When I think of you I touch myself....

I’d like to start off by apologizing for tardy blogging, and to all my fans. During the past months, I’ve had fans come up to me in the streets and say, ”Hey Goody, what’s grinding your gears, and “Hey goody, your grinding my gears by not saying what’s grinding your gears”, and “Hey, I want to fuck you Goody, and I say ‘Yo bitch I want to fuck you too.

To be honest, I could not post because I haven’t had access to the internet, and the story goes like this.

Just before winter, I bought a house, and no, this is not my first house (or my second), but the first house that I am the King of the Castle. But the castle was not fit for a king, so I went into hibernation over the winter months to fix my castle up. I made a pack with myself, no pussy till the Pussy penthouse can handle the constant flow of pussy going in and out the door. But as the months went on, the house was taking shape, but, I got lonely, keeping true to my pack, I took up a new hobby to pass my loneliness, masturbating. I got quite good at masturbating, and it was fun, until that one night, the one night I will never forget, I pulled it off.

Yes, that’s right. I pulled my dick off. So, I’m sitting there with my dick in my hand not knowing what to do. So I put my dick on ice in a playmate cooler, called my Mom, and she rushed to the hospital. When I came too after the surgery, the doctor was in the room, and he said,
Doc: “son, you were lucky this time, we were able to sew it back on. But, I think you need some help with the masturbating. “
Goody: not till my house is done,
Doc: “hummm, no, professional help.”
Goody: “like a hooker or an escorte?”
Doc: no you stupid bastard, rehab!
Then the doctor left the room shaking his head.
So with some holiday time coming my way, I was off to sex rehab in Arizona.

During my time in rehab, I met some interesting people, like this one guy named Eldrick Woods, he called herself Tiger for some reason. One day during lunch, I introduced myself,
Goody: Hey hey, I’m Goody
Tiger: Hello, I’m Tiger.
(Something didn’t seem right about this guy, he was black, but he acted white?)
Goody: Soooo, what do you do for a living?
Tiger: I’m a professional golfer.
(Thinking to myself, black golfer, pfff, yeah right.)
Tiger: How about yourself?
Goody: I’m a fighter pilot
Goody; Sooo, why ya here?
Tiger: I cheated on my wife
Goody: Oh snap, how’d you get busted.
Tiger: Went out to a friend’s house and left my phone on the coffee table, she went through my phone, and seen the booty calls from other woman.
Goody: Should have had a Ho phone.
Tiger: Tell me about it.
Goody: Whatca ya writing?
Tiger: A public speech saying I’m sorry for cheating on my wife.
Goody. Fuck that, you’re just sorry you got caught.
Tiger: True
Goody: Just be honest, if you tell the truth, everyone will forgive you, even your wife.
Tiger: You’re right Goody. I’ll be honest. I not sorry my cheating on my wife, maybe if that bitch gave me some pussy in the first place, I wouldn’t be banging every piece of ass that gets thrown my way. My wife hit me with a 9-iron, my 9-iron in the face, ha, I gave that bitch craps. I love pussy Goody, white pussy, I can’t help myself. I am going to fire my PR for telling me to get married. And this cock sucker Ernie Els was dissing me on TV, HA, I fucked his wife. Goody, it’s been good talking to you, I’m out of here.
Goody: That’s guys full of shit…..
Just as I was leaving, I met this biker looking fellow covered in tattoos; we just talked cars and stuff.

Out of rehab, and proud to say I’m fully recovered from touching myself.

Now, to what you’ve all been waiting for: You know what’s grinding my gears, well, I’ll tell you what’s grinding my gears, facebook, it’s fucking gay. To all those people who have 10+ pages of friends, let me ask you this question, how many of those people do you actually talk too, maybe 5 people, don’t kid yourself. And another question is to why your on facebook, to contact old friends, child please, you just want to know who has 5 kids by 5 different fathers, who got fat, who got skinny, who got got, who gives a shit, I don’t. And that’s what grinds my gears.

On a side note, I’d like to congratulate the Todd and Darryl for slipping one by the goalie, and no, I’m not talking hockey, cause those two couldn’t score on rusty dusty.
Oh, Todd, take good care of my kid, and don’t bug me for any child support.

Things to come: Heading out to Pfiefs cabin, painting the outside of my house, fishing, and making some cream pies.

And last, but not least, partying with Jonathan Toews and Lloyd Stanley somewhere in the southend burbs.